Ever since we've moved back to KC I have been shut up in this house by this terrible weather, give or take a few days. It's 30 degrees and tomorrow it'll be 30 degrees, the next day will probably be 30 degrees and forever I will suffer in this damn arctic tundra bullshit weather.
1,400 calories into the day and going into 200 something MG's of caffiene and I'm lacking anything truly good to say about my life. I hate it actually, I loath this existence to the fullest at the moment. I honestly have no idea what the fuck I'm saying right now or if there is a point to this (I'm pretty sure there isn't)
I'm sorry, I accidentally deleted a whole paragraph that explained that I don't believe it will continuously be 30 degrees outside. Again, there is no real purpose for this other than to get out my stream of thoughts and possible desires.
I've been thinking about the possibility of going to school for entrepreneurship. Maybe start an online fashion "boutique" eventually run my own salon (hiring my friends of course) and who knows what else. I want to get away from things that are too familiar, I want to travel. I hate that it takes so much money to do these things.
Jasmine should really be my partner in crime with this, I miss her. I just told her I was writing a blog, probably one of my only true friends. It saddens me sometimes that we don't get to see each other very much because of her living in Hutchinson. I might go there around spring break to see my cousins, Jasmine & I will have to hang out and talk business :)
I tried to get a job at Taco Bell a few weeks ago, had an interview even. It seemed to be going well but the manager went over my work history (Leaving McDonalds after 2 days), my education (dropping out of High School, leaving Cosmetology school) and told me I needed to find stability and it seemed that I couldn't commit. Needless to say, I didn't get the job. I've felt pretty discouraged since then, plus the longer I sit around the deeper the mental black hole in my head seems to grow.
Yesterday, I went with my mom to apply to a job. It was simple, there was no reason to be afraid, but long before we arrived something was telling me I couldn't apply. It hurts to hold yourself back for no reason, to lose your breath over the thought of walking into a building. My mind is a terrible place to be sometimes, at the same time I love it. It's a hard thing to explain but my goal for the next year is to get some help for it, I think.
I'll go on more later, but for now this is all my head can handle
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