Back from Hutch & a little taste of how epic I am

So I was definitely planning on updating this while I was still in Hutchinson with the family, but Jasmine ended up staying with me all weekend & I just didn't have the time nor desire to do so.  Our weekend was filled with quote worthy moments that ended up on Jasmines Facebook page, adventures and plenty of photos. We also had a blast with Charlie Sheen, just sayin'.

We headed to Bogeys right before I had to leave to get us a large cup of Tiger Blood. It was intense. I need to get some things on my computer in order and maybe I'll be able to get part of the video from that trip uploaded. We were really excited about the Tiger Blood.







One of the days I was there Jasmine the Great White Mexican  just started playing a butch of music, had us all dancing and singing along. We'll skip over the many Justin Beiber songs that we got into but there's one song that I'm OBSESSED with now. It's completely in spanish (so I can barely understand it) but it's awesome

 NOW TO THE GOOD SHIT
I was browsing the files of my computadora when I came across the most entertaining video of me ever. I recorded myself singing the song Black Balloon by The Kills ( I did that practicing/learning songs) and then set that with random video of myself dancing and just being weird.
If you ever wondered what I did to keep myself from dying of boredom when I was living in Wichita, here ya go.

Back in the middle of Kansas...

    So here I am sitting in Hutchinson, Kansas.
     "Shaina, hey guess what?" My brother Damian just said to me.
     "What?"
     "I just looked in the mirror and I look like Sam Flynn." Hahaha that kid's funny. I'm spending the next 3 days here seeing my aunt, 5 cousins and one of my best friends Jasmine. I talked about Jasmine in a post before, I feel like we need to get on a webcam and do some talking. I'll discuss it with her tomorrow and if we do you know it'll end up on here.
     I've been incredibly tired most of the day, probably because of my lack of sleep this morning. We were on the road for nearly 4 hours I think. Anyway, I'm going to enjoy my time here and try to keep boredom to a minimum. My cousin Christian (AKA Sissen) will most likely be working for a majority of the time I'm here because he sucks and makes more money than me, but I'll figure it out.

Let me break this down for you :

Me - 17
Sissen (cousin)- 14
Jason (cousin) - 11
Damian (brother) - 11
Mikayla (cousin) - 9
Cain (brother) - 9
Madison (cousin) - 7 (I think)
Caitlyn(cousin) - 5

Christian being the 14 year old boy that he is tends to be entertaining in itself, although sometimes extremely annoying. When it is bad the comedic bickering between his mother (My aunt Melissa AKA Auntie M) keeps things lively for sure. Not to mention that my grandma is off her rocker and leaves us with plenty to laugh at.
   So far today me and Auntie M have interacted on nearly 10 Facebook posts while being mere feet from eachother as well. Mostly making fun of Sissen and/or her mom. I'll be updating on how this weekend goes for sure.

& now I shall leave you with a picture of Christian and I dancing epicly in December of 2009.

"You're an artist..."

    My dad actually said that to me this past Sunday. I'm pretty sure it was Sunday, the day doesn't really matter though. It was nice hearing that, from anyone it's nice to hear it.
    The past couple nights I've made the effort to open up a journal and scribble something down. I've doodled shitty drawings, I've attempted something like lyrics, and I have even written a diary entry. My favorite thing to write seems to be haikus. They're  not as easy as they seem, a decent one takes time. You only get a few lines so each word needs to be perfected.

5,7 and 5
Take my words and try to fly.
I escape this life.

An Anxious Hand? I guess so...

                                                  

You don't know calm until you've seen this ink on paper

These bleeding fingers

This reckless enlightenment  

You cannot fathom the definition of what I am

I  am lost within myself

Dreaming of dreams

Finding a familiar comfort in displacement

You are vacant

You are dull.

Hallucinations, monks, fake hair and sould readings.

       It's been a bit, so I guess it's time to update before I completely forget about it.
Firsts thing's first, I started seeing a therapist and was diagnosed officially with Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. The whole psychotic features part was added because of "Disassociation" or "Hallucinations"... or you know, whatever.
      During my therapy session today we did this trippy meditation stuff to practice being calm and controlling my reactions. Something to do with directing blood flow to your hands and then to your face, it was badass. My therapist seems like an alright guy, he talks about Buddhist monks and used the word "esoteric"  then started rambling on about finding my place in the universe.


In other news...

I want that wig, I really do. Sad thing is, I'm like 2 dollars short.

(The greatest woman ever) Suzi did a soul analysis for me recently & it was so great I had to share a bit of it here.


"You see a lot of pain and suffering in the world and that pains you on a personal level, and you feel like you can feel the pain of the universe, that it manifests through you, tortures you. This drives you to create art to ease this inner turmoil, to express outwardly what's going on inside. Despite learning how to cope with being a naturally rather shy girl by teaching yourself social skills, you are naturally rather shy, and you connect most to other people through art and through words, which you put together as if they were art themselves. As mentioned above, you also connect to people through helping them, through a shared mutual pain, and you feel best understood in the context of supporting someone who needs your help. You'll find a lot of your relationships center on you showing affection for someone else by giving them things--your time, practical things they need, rides in your car, ect. You are a very down to earth, centered, and practical person, who is like a rock to those around you. They can count on and depend on you, because you are very solid and straightforward. You show affection in tangible, real world ways, by being there when someone needs you, or buying them food for their kitchen, instead of buying them diamond rings and roses (which you feel are nice, but relatively useless, and don't really mean anything). In love, you are the support for your lover, and you like to help him do everything--make phone calls, make appointments, be involved a lot in his life. You like to make yourself indispensable so he can't function without you, while he doesn't even realize this. Trust me girl, I do the same thing! You're not the airy, superficial lover. You are the exact OPPOSITE of that!"


She couldn't be more right in describing me.